Anger Management
by smash619
Summary: Steve is a Miner, normal. He has been stranded on an island for 3 years, correct. And he has found a friend in Herobrine and is now giving him anger management lessons. WHAT! will Steve be able to calm Hero's ever raging temper, or will he just be another useless pile of flesh to Herobrine?
1. They See Me Mining

Anger Management

Steve awoke from his deep slumber, as he groggily slid off his bed and shifted his feet along the stone floor he so perfectly crafted himself. He came to a stop after he reached one of his many glass windows. It was quite an amazing sight, Zombies and Skeletons were frantically dashing all over the place while their bodies were being burned.

"Oh God, it burns!" One of the many Skeletons were screaming. "Stopping, dropping and rolling ain't working!" A Zombie shouted. "Curse you, human scum!" Another Skeleton coughed before finally shrivelling into dust and returning to the Earth from which it came. Steve just yawned and flashed his blocky middle finger to the burning enemies before walking off to get dressed; five minutes later he opened his door. He was donning his usual light blue shirt, purple jeans and a rough beard. As he hauled his Diamond Pickaxe over his shoulder, he set out over to his cave, which he dubbed: "The Cave with Shitloads of Coal." He scanned the area; Steve had already mined lots of the coal that used to reside in this cave. But he could still see rows of the black ore protruding from the shadows of the gloomy cave. Steve set down some torches and got to work.

Behind him, a strange creature emerged; it had pale green skin, deep black eyes and a mouth that was always forced into a frown. The Creeper made its way over to Steve, deadly silent. Steve was oblivious to this, all he could hear was the stream that was flowing outside the cave. Closer... and closer... The Creeper's breath was just skimming the miner's back. Steve could sense something was wrong now. He could feel it, deep down in his stomach he knew something good was not about to happen. All of a sudden, his eyes widened.

"Shit!" He exclaimed. "I need food!" He dashed out of the cave, barging the Creeper (which he didn't even notice) into a nearby lava pit. As the Creeper died with the most pissed off look, Steve came back out of his Stone house with a slice of Victoria Sponge cake.

"Damn, this cake is gooooood!" He happily exclaimed while he went back to work. As he was digging further down, he hit something with a clank. "What was that?" He mumbled to himself as he placed down a torch to illuminate the strange material. Steve suddenly did a Grinch smile, he had hit probably the rarest mineral in the existence of this strange land. "Emerald!" He cried out in joy. As he swung down his Pickaxe as hard as he could onto the ore, there was a rumbling noise with a shout of, "What the funk was that?" As he brought down the Pickaxe again, the ore crumbled and gave way. As Steve happily grabbed the Emerald, he didn't realize he was falling downwards... Well, that was until he crashed into a wooden structure and went unconscious.

"Yo, Asshole, wake up!" A grumpy voice shouted. Steve slowly opened his eyes to see three Endermen staring at him. Quickly, he shut his eyes. As he feared what kind of punishment would come to him if he dared look into the eyes of one of these soul-crushing monsters, one of the beasts chimed in gaily,

"Oh come on, let the poor guy get up. He's probably hurt from that long fall." Steve smiled.

"Dude!" The third one exclaimed, "He created a big-ass hole in our house, I swear when this bastard looks at me I swear to God... I swear to God!"

"Please don't hurt him; I didn't think he meant any harm."

"What the hell, he fell through the goddamn roof! Do you know how long we spent building that shit?! We were... Hey, is he smiling?"

Steve quickly returned his smile back to normal. The three Enderman just stared at him. The first one looked at him pitifully. "Get up son." He said calmly. "You may be an asshole, but I've heard lots about you, you slay our kind all the time don't you? That is kinda awesome."

Steve let his ego take over. He stood up quickly, wiped all the dust off of himself and smiled proudly,

"Yep, that's me, save your autographs please. He he." Steve then realized how stupid he was, he had just confirmed he was a mass Enderman killer… To Endermen! The third Enderman to speak widened his eyes, the camp Enderman covered his mouth in shock and started crying. And the first Enderman's eyes turned red and his mouth opened, letting out an ear-piercing shriek.

"I knew it! I wasn't too sure but now I know. Prepare to die!" He shrieked while jumping after Steve, he swiped a claw sharper than knifes at the human. Steve screamed in pain as he touched his cheek, as he had thought, blood was seeping down his hand from the freshly cut wound. As the Enderman approached Steve to deal another blow, The miner quickly rummaged through his bag and pulled out a sword, this was his lucky Iron sword he had named "Excaliderp" He swung his trusty sword at the embodiment of darkness, but it just used it's claws to counteract with the blade. Tension was building as the two clashed weapons were trying desperately to overpower each other.

Finally, after much pressure Excaliderp broke into two pieces. Steve growled in anger. As the Enderman slowly approached Steve, with smiling, jagged teeth, Steve held out a hand to the Enderman, the dark, tall human stopped dead in its tracks. Silence filled the room as the two brothers who were in the corner watched with absolute fear. The Enderman took one last step toward Steve and brandished a claw. Steve looked at the hostile mob with horror.

"Any last words?" The dark figure asked in a demonic voice while rubbing its hands together. Steve quickly scanned the room, when he laid eyes on a square pipe he smiled gleefully.

"I have a question." Steve said sweetly like an angel.

"Go on." Said the Enderman while looking at Steve suspiciously.

"If you're an Enderman, and you fear water, then tell me... Why do you have a WATER PIPE?!" And as Steve said these words he took out his bow, aimed carefully at the water pipe on the ceiling of the wooden house with the massive hole in it. And fired, the arrow flew in a perfectly straight towards the pipe and hit it with pinpoint accuracy, after a shriek of joy from Steve and a few seconds... Nothing happened.

"Fool!" The Enderman laughed while facepalming, that's the gas pipe, of course we hate water. We don't have a water system you imbecile!" He started rolling on the floor and banging it in laughter. Steve just cursed himself under his breath as he pulled out a bucket of water. I suppose this'll have to do then, he said in a normal voice as he chucked the blue liquid onto the opposing Enderman. The aforementioned Enderman screamed and started howling dramatically, as it melted into a purple shadow it shrieked: "I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world! Who would have known my weakness was water! Melting... OHHH! Melting! What a world!"

When the Enderman finally disappeared another entered. Presumably a friend of the three brothers,

"Hey guys, I brought some cigarettes like you told me to, I just mixed Gunpowder, Paper, Charcoal and some Redstone. Here, have some! And as he said this he took one out and lit it. The flame mixed with the leaking Gas from the pipe and blew up the rest of the house. As Steve got sent flying eastwards, he eventually hit a Stone wall and severely injured his back. He saw the legs of a figure standing in front of him, he looked at its face immediately. It had glowing, snow white eyes. It seemed that looking at them too long would probably steal your soul forever.

"Who are you?" Steve asked while groaning in pain. As he said this the Emerald he had gone through so much to obtain came flying at him from the explosion. It struck him in the head, rendering him fully unconscious.

When Steve woke up he was in a bed, but it wasn't his though, Steve rubbed his eyes and tried to sit up, but the late pain from the injury to his back kept him stranded to the bed.

"Well this sucks." Groaned Steve as he started playing imaginary games in his head. Suddenly, a voice came from Steve's left.

"You're up." It said quite bluntly. Steve rolled his eyes and tried to sit up again, but his back made its point and forced Steve back to the bed.

"Don't try to move, you're a bigger idiot than I thought you were." The voice said again, though much more dreary than before. "Since your neck also has sufficient injuries, I will just introduce myself, no need to turn your head to look at me. I am Herobrine, god of the Nether, I-"

"Oh HELL no!" Steve exclaimed in a state of panic, he thought Herobrine was only a legend. He had heard and read many stories about the evildoer, how he used to rip his victim's hearts out and eat them while the sufferer was still alive. He had heard that he would utilize his eyes to make people see demonic images that would kill the victim from shock... And worst of all, He would tickle a helpless victim's feet while making them listen to Ghastin Creeber's "Baby" on infinite loop!

"Please Herobrine, don't eat my heart. It doesn't taste good. Please, don't hurt me, I always worshipped you!" Steve sobbed loudly while crying rivers of tears. He was obviously scared.

"Cut the crap! You honestly think those stories are true! Bullshit! I'm actually a nice guy, everyone just fears me because of my eyes. Apparently people are too quick to judge, I've always been feared because of what I look like. People can't see the true me because they run off and spread stupid rumours!" Herobrine angrily shouted before calming down a little bit. "And the thing is I try to be nice to everybody, but they only see me on the outside, not on the inside. And that really pisses me off!"

Steve just stared at the ceiling in sadness. He had never known that Herobrine was just lonely and confused... He realized that Herobrine was just like him. Steve wiped away his tears, and talked while still staring.

"I'll help you." Steve said in-between sniffles.

"What?" Herobrine huffed angrily

"To make friends."

"You can't be serious, nobody can even look at me, let alone be friends with me."

"I'll be your friend."

"Really?"

"Yes, you were nice enough to give me a bed to rest in. I can grant you a favour back."

"Thanks... Friend."

Steve shuddered slightly at the word "Friend." He hadn't heard it in quite a while, he smiled to himself, but carried on the conversation.

"Herobrine, I understand your anger, but if you wanna make friends you need to control your temper."

"And how am I gonna do that?" Herobrine asked in a slightly happier voice."

"I'm going to give you some anger management lessons." Are you ready?

"Yes."

After a few hours of preparation and an awful lot of care, Steve turned to face Herobrine in a wheelchair and held up a small stuffed doll.

"Okay, I'm gonna be the villager and you be yourself, I'm gonna be scared of you and you try to control your temper." Herobrine nodded, understanding the task. Steve put on a high pitched voice and begun the test.

"Oh no! It's Herobrine, run!" Steve said in a squeaky voice.

Herobrine put on a face that would probably be the winner of "World's Most Pissed off Face competition." He snatched the doll from Steve's hands and shredded it to pieces. "Fuck you, you little piece of Wolf shit!" Herobrine growled as the "Villager" was now a bunch of wool.

"This may take a while..." Steve sighed as he facepalmed.

**A/N: First Minecraft story, woot! Reviews would be appreciated, as they inspire me to keep writing. :D**

**smash619**


	2. I Need Some Thinking Time

Anger Management

**A/N: Wow, thanks for the reviews guys. Sorry if I haven't responded to all of them. I was too busy typing this. :P**

Steve stared at Herobrine, both sets of eyes locked into each other. Each Human waited for the other to make a move, when Steve decided it was time to run another trial he slipped on some spectacles he had crafted from a glass pane and some sticks.

"Okay Herobrine," Steve casually said as he flicked through a book he had at his hands. "I'm going to read out a few words, and you say the first thing that comes to your mind. Got that?" Steve asked with the utmost confidence. He was sure that Herobrine could make friends… Just after a small bit of training. Herobrine nodded, he was fully aware of the task. Steve coughed and started reading words from the mysterious book he had placed in his two blocky hands.

"Villager" Steve suddenly said,

"Asshole" Herobrine responded.

Steve raised an eyebrow, unsure of what to make of the strange answer.

"Tree"

"Shrivelled"

"Death"

"Happy"

"Pig"

"Useless"

"Cow"

"Waste of Space"

"Po-tay-to"

"Po-tat-o"

"To-may-to"

"To-mat-o"

"You know what? Screw this exercise." Steve said as he threw the book into a nearby fireplace. Instead, I think I should know a little more about you first Herobrine." Steve got out a notepad and quill. He placed the quill gently on the snow-white paper, leaving a dark blotch of ink. As Steve readied his hand for the take ahead, he nodded to Herobrine. Herobrine opened his mouth and words started coming out.

"I am Herobrine, god of the Nether. Today I found a shiny penny along the hallway, so I picked it up. The end." Herobrine then sported a derp smile. Steve looked like he could just get a piece of string and hang himself. So far this anger management thing was not working... For EITHER of them! Steve breathed a frustrated sigh, set down his notepad, and walked out of his room leaving Herobrine confused. As Steve wondered along the hallways of Herobrine's castle, he was deep in thought about how he could get this to work. How could he possibly calm the ever-raging temper of Herobrine? As Steve exited the castle, he was met with quite a sight. There was fire everywhere! On the roads, in the hills and even on the castle!

"I must have died and gone to hell!" Steve exclaimed out loud. A strange, white floating beast came up in Steve's face, he took out a clipboard and took some notes.

"Yep, you are in the Herobrine Ender Liberation Lair. Our goal is to release all Endermen from the control of the infamous Ender Dragon. Oh, but you aren't dead though. You're very much alive. Mr. Herobrine dragged your unconscious body though that portal right there." The strange creature pointed one of his many tentacles to an ominous purple portal. Steve thanked the creature and jumped through the portal after scaling the hill it was resting on.

Steve popped out into a field. It was night time and all he could hear were conversations between hostile mobs.

"I wonder where that human went." A Creeper said to its friend,

"I don't know, but I heard he pushed Johnny into a lava pool." A zombie groaned back.

"You know, I don't get it. Why do you burn up in the sun."

"It's very complicated, it-"

"No, no no. Just answer my question. It doesn't make sense."

"Well maybe if you just listened-"

"Look, dude. It's retarded. First off-"

The creeper was cut off by Steve stabbing it with a stick. The creeper moaned then fell limp to the ground. Steve turned to face the Zombie and wielded his stick as if it were a lightsaber.

"Oh yeah, you want some of this. You can't handle the power of my stick, ohhhh, yeeeahhh. Feel the pain bro, you can't touch this, I am invincible."

The zombie took the stick from Steve and snapped it in half.

"Uh oh," Were the last words Steve said before darting up a tree to hide. Suddenly, the zombie called skeleton archers over.

"Fire!" The zombie commanded. All Skeletons fired at Steve, all of them missed.

"Bwahahaha!" Steve laughed while jumping up and down, "You guys are such poor shots. Even I can shoot way better than that! And I can't even hit Fat Bobby from the village!" Steve then pulled down his trousers and mooned the Skeletons. One of the Skeletons got really pissed and made a perfect shot straight into Steve's right ass cheek.

"Argh, you bastards!" Steve howled as he grabbed his exposed ass in pain. The skeletons were hi-fiving each other and laughing as hard as they possibly could. Steve was still frantically dashing around the top of the tree while trying to hold back tears. Even the zombie let out an amused chuckle.

"Hey guys." One of the skeletons said. "Let's try to get a crotch shot!" All of the skeletons whooped as they loaded their arrows. Steve's eyes widened "Not my babies!" He wailed as he jumped off a tree and made a frantic dash back towards the Nether portal as about 5 more arrows made their way into Steve's buttocks. A few minutes later Steve was back in Herobrine's room.

"Hey, if you look closely it looks a bit like a smily face!" Herobine laughed as he prodded some of the arrows that were stuck in stuck in his Nether region. Excuse the pun. "Just get it over with!" Steve growled in pain at Herobrine "I don't want to have to walk through town like this again!" Herobrine grabbed the first arrow and yanked. Steve howled louder than an Enderman as the arrow came out with a chunk of his skin.

"Watch it!" Steve sobbed. "That really hurts"

"Is that a puppy over there?" Herobrine asked pointing to the hallway.

"Where?" Steve excitedly asked as his face darted to the hallway, as he did this Herobrine ripped out another arrow to the sound of Steve screaming."

About 8 more arrows later Steve was sitting in a wheelchair for the second time in 24 hours. Herobrine handed Steve a lollipop that he quickly grabbed and started sucking on like a baby. Herobrine started fiddling with his thumbs. Steve turned his attention from his sweet haven and stared at Herobrine for a few seconds. "What is it?" He finally asked.

"I was just wondering when my anger management will actually start." Herobrine responded meekly, Steve just sighed. "Look Herobrine." Steve sighed, "I will honestly try as hard as I can to make you control your temper but at the moment it's hard to find the right exercise for you. And also... You are a bit of a volcano." Steve trailed off at the last part of the sentence. Herobrine suddenly adopted his signature pissed off look.

"I'm a volcano?!Oh I'll show you volcano!" As he said this he somehow flew out of his castle and started shooting fireballs at the various Ghasts, Pigmen and Wither Skeletons that resided in the Nether. Steve just looked on and just decided to go to sleep in the wheelchair while thinking of the best way to handle Herobrine


End file.
